Katolsk humor

[Irène]

Two Priests On Vacation

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.

The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father" - "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"


Irène

[Irène]

LENTEN HUMOR

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the
pub and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers,
which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three
more.

This happens yet again.

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time,
several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who
Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of
the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why
you always order three beers?"

'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers,
and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each
other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank
as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon
the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of
pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come
to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender
pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -
he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered
for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first
of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother.
You know-the two beers and all..."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear
that my two brothers are alive and well.

It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."


Irène

[Irène]

Klassiker

THEOLOGICAL DEBATE

Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus.
Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate
on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence.............

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN:

1. His first name was Jesus

2. He was bilingual

3. He was always being harassed by the authorities

But then there were equally good arguments that.....

JESUS WAS BLACK

1. He called everybody "brother"

2. He liked Gospel

3. He couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

JESUS WAS JEWISH

1. He went into His Father's business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother
was sure he was God

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

JESUS WAS ITALIAN

1. He talked with his hands

2. He had wine with every meal

3. He used olive oil

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN

1. He never cut his hair

2. He walked around barefoot

3. He started a new religion

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

JESUS WAS IRISH

1. He never got married

2. He was always telling stories

3. He loved green pastures

But perhaps the most compelling evidence .........

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN .....

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when
there was no food

2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch
of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT

3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because
there was more work for him to do.

Irène

[Irène]

THE SIN OF LYING

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the
sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read
Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister
asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now
proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

************************************************************


The Pope Visits New York

The Pope goes to New York.

He is picked up at the airport by a limousine.

He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"

The driver is understandably hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."

But the Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope."

So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.

The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window.

Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute.

He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

Cop: Chief, I have a problem.

Chief: What sort of problem?

Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.

Chief: Important like the mayor?

Cop: No, no, much more important than that.

Chief: Important like the governor?

Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.

Chief: Like the president?

Cop: More.

Chief: Who's more important than the president?

Cop: I don't know, but he's got the Pope DRIVING for him!

Irène

[Irène]

Eftersom katolska kyrkan är allmännelig så kan även Norge här införlivas.

Min favoritNorgehistoria

Norrmannen som ville komma in i Guiness rekordbok som "världens snabbaste på att lägga pussel."
På frågan hur han kan bevisa det, svarade norrmannen " Jo jag la ett pussel som det stod 2-4 år på, på 6 månader."


// Irène

[LenaA]

Vet ni vad det är för skillnad mellan mig och en tiger?
Tigern är kattlik, och jag är kat(t)olik!

(blev återupptagen idag, hurra! vill tacka er, och särskilt Gert, för att ni påminde mig om att det är Gud som avgör vems tro som "duger", det hjälpte mig att våga komma tillbaka)

Apropå humor, är det någon mer än jag som har en tendens att tänka på underkläder när det dyker upp ord som trosfrågor, trosbekännelse med mera?

Eftersom det finns en till Lena på forumet kanske jag förresten bör påpeka att det inte är jag. Jag är en annan Lena, en LenaA.

[Gert]

Hej Lena!

Grattis! Och välkommen hem. Du är en frisk fläkt!

Gert

[LenaA]

Om ni har missat den här, kolla in! http://www.reverendfun.com/
En annan bra, med miljötema: http://www.rustletheleaf.com
Skratta gott!

[Elisabet]

En benediktin, en dominikan, en franciskan och en jesuit satt i samma läsesal och läste och skrev under tystnad.

Plötsligt blev det kolmörkt i rummet. Alla fyra satt tysta och väntade i tron att det var tillfälligt el-avbrott och ljuset snart skulle komma tillbaka.

Efter en stund reste sig Jesuiten, trevade sig fram till utgången, gick ut och smällde igen dörren efter sig. Benediktinen försjönk i bön. Dominikanen började känna sig fram på väggarnas hyllor för att söka rätt på tändstickor och stearinljus för att kunna finna någon bok som kunde ge praktiska råd i hur han skulle förfara. Franciskanen var så trött efter dagens arbete att han omdelbart föll i djup sömn...

En lång, lång tid förflöt.

Så med ens flödade salen i ljus!
Strax därefter kom jesuiten in, borstade dammet av sina kläder och sa: Såja, det tog lite tid innan jag äntligen fick tag på en ny propp.

Elisabet

[Laura]

Elisabet,

Anekdoterna tycks cirkulera i olika versioner, jag har nämligen hört följande:

Dessa fyra höll på att läsa tidegärden när det blev mörkt. Benediktinen fortsatte med läsningen eftersom han kunde texten utantill...franciskanen föll på knä och började lovprisa Broder sol...dominikanen började hålla föredrag om electricitetens innersta väsen...och jesuiten gjorde som du skrev ovan!

[Elisabet]

Hej Laura,

Ja den var bra!

Det finns nog några olika varianter på den här. Jag tycker mig också ha hört en där slutet var lite annorlunda, men jag kommer inte ihåg hur.

Elisabet